Adrian's Satanic Journey

 "What you see may not always please you, but you will see."

- Anton LaVey

I have always believed that the biggest disservice a person can do to themselves is have a closed mind. When you are close minded and set in your ways, you miss out on a wealth of opportunities, friendships, knowledge and countless other experiences and chances for growth. We only have one life (that we know of) to live on this planet, a life that is fragile, with a length that is undetermined. I cannot think of a greater waste of our precious time than to limit ourselves to our small understanding of the world by being stuck in our ways, close minded or judgmental. 

I am known by those closest to me as a risk taker, often to a fault, and someone that is gullible and far too trusting, but despite these faults, I continue to take risks, trust others and keep my mind open and my heart free of judgement. An open mind has added so much value to my life, value in the form of special memories, lessons and hard truths that changed me for the better, and invaluable friendships spanning years with some of the most wonderful human beings I have ever been fortunate enough to meet. One of those human beings is a fellow Satanist by the name of Josephus Darkheart. 

Before I continue, I should warn that this entry is going to be a smidge different than others I have written. I do hope that my usual readers and any new ones, will have an open mind as I go back in time and talk about something that I haven't talked much about or shared with the public, and that is my faith as a Satanist, and how my faith connected me to Josephus. I dedicate this entry to you, Joseph!

I am 26 years old, and for as long as I can remember, I have had issues with men. I have had a falling out of some kind with every man in my life at one point or another, and I think that the only man that ever truly had my heart and I would never think of being anything less than perfect, is my son, who even shares his name with a saint: Saint Peter the Apostle, a disciple of Jesus who held the keys to heaven.

Despite my problematic history with the opposite sex, when I was sixteen years old, I had officially and proudly dedicated myself to a religion that was founded by a man in the 1960's. However, I suppose I had been a Satanist from the moment I had first read about it, which happened many years earlier in the quiet of the dining room while the rest of my family slept.

 A religion to end all others, I was curious about Satanism the first time I had seen the word in an autobiography I had read by Marilyn Manson. When I did my own research in the darkness of the dining room, the blue glow of the family computer illuminating my face as I typed Satanism into Google, I spent hours scrolling through the Church of Satan's official website and learned of Satanist values and principles for the first time. 

What was meant to be a quick search before I snuck back to my bedroom and slept until the pitter patter of two sets of toddler feet and my mother's voice ushered in another day of the sixth grade, ended in a deep dive that seemed to last hours.

I remember being so enthralled in my reading that the only distraction that snapped me back to reality was the sound of birds chirping nearby, and when I pulled back the curtain to peek outside, a night sky that was beginning to lighten, as if it had been dipped in shades of blue, purple and pink.

With every new Satanic sin, statement or rule I had read, I was not only fascinated by what I was reading, but I respected it. At that age, as a preteen who had just one single friend, struggled to fit in with others, and was failing my classes, there was very little that I did respect.

I had grown up going to church services, Bible camps, and Sunday schools whenever I could be forced or bribed into doing so by my mother, who was a hard working single mother that tried to instill Christian values in her children, but ultimately failed due to her inconsistency. My grandmother was (and is) the only person alive that I would happily accompany to church if it made her happy.

There wasn't a single moment that I had spent in any chapel, youth group or prayer that I didn't feel like I was a part of some extravagant joke. I had a hard time believing that the adults that surrounded me, had all willingly gathered here with their families for the same purpose, and that was to devour the nonsense of the passionate fool preaching to them as if they were not the same university educated, successful and admirable members of the community that they were on the other six days of the week. The extravagant tables of refreshments, the glamour and super stadium style of the megachurches, the audacity to pass around a collection plate to the congregation at the end of each service... Church truly felt like a roadside scam to me, with whatever pastor or reverend leading the entire charade as the ultimate fly-by-night con man. Worse yet, the amount of suckers that crammed themselves in between the walls of these places of worship, eager to be guilt tripped, reprimanded or praised by a human who was no different than them and had the same closeness with "God" as any of us do, as they happily put their earnings into that damn collection plate, terrified me. I realized early in life that few things are as powerful (or as destructive) as fellowship and stupidity.

As I wasted many Sunday mornings and other tidbits of time waiting for a punchline that never came, or at least anything of value or something to change my mind about my feelings towards the church, none came.

Satanism excited me because unlike the dead ends and empty handed searches I was left with whenever I looked for any sort of value or importance in a church service, Satanic values were the real treasure.

The little respect I had for the world around me and the supposed adults who were in charge of it, was dwindling with every Sunday morning that passed. How refreshing it was to have such a strong admiration or respect for something that I could feel it physically. A warm feeling seemed to fill my insides from my toes to the top of my head, and I smiled as I read. Finally, I felt like I was being represented and understood. Better yet, there seemed to be a whole society of others who were like me. There was a place for me, I was accepted, and I was important.

The high regard that Satanism held for women, children and animals was something that I never found in any religions before it, and I am doubtful if I ever would again. To this day, as a woman who is nearly 26 years old and has spent nearly a lifetime amongst fellow Satanists in secret, I have never been proven wrong, nor have I ever met another Satanist who didn't live and breathe in accordance with Satanic values and teachings, so much in fact that it became easy to spot them simply based on how they treat women, children and animals and conduct themselves.

Josephus calls these types of people DeFacto Satanists. A term I had never heard before, but one that I use often whenever I meet or I learn of a person who lives with Satanic values, even though they are not a Satanist. While they may not identify as Satanists, these individuals live life to the fullest and happily indulge in pleasures, otherwise known as sins. DeFacto Satanists enjoy liberation and freedom, with zero self-guilt or shame! The path to true self-gratification is a journey best made alone!

To this day, as a twenty six year old woman who has never doubted my faith or questioned it, there has been no text or teachings that I have ever respected more, nor will I. The younger, past me from my formative years will forever be grateful for every proud Satanist, for we truly are the highest form of life on the earth!

Anton LaVey's work and powerful impact will be reflected in the children of Satanic women for generations to come.

- Adrian Antichrist